Stab My Back
by ultra-violet-box
Summary: My interpretation of what happened at the time, and after Brightpaw and Swiftpaw went to fight the dogs.


**A/N: I don't own Warriors, nor do I own the song. The song is Stab My Back by All American Rejects.**

I saw her fall beneath their paws. Her body was trampled as they pounced on her, biting at her ginger and white fur, tearing her beautiful face, ripping her as if they were trying to snare her soul. My jaws opened in a strangled yowl. "Brightpaw!"

Something grasped me from behind. Strong jaws and teeth dug into my skin; I let out a shriek of terror and flailed, trying to get a grip on anything I could to free myself. The restricting teeth sank down into my flesh as the monster bit down; I could feel my strength failing, my limbs weakening as I was shaken from side to side; my senses whirling, unable to see, hear, I couldn't do anything. All I heard was the snarling and howling as pain flowed through me in waves. It was like being thrown through a waterfall, with rocks tearing at me, the water smashing into my sides, my face, my chest. There was no safety anywhere as I was ripped and battered until I was just another object, floating in a sea of pain and blood.

The jaws loosened. I was free, but even with nothing restricting my movements, I couldn't do anything. My limbs wouldn't respond as I was picked up yet again and tossed to the side, where I slammed into the rough bark of a tree, the shards stabbing into my fur as I hit it with such force that I was certain that all the bones in my right side had shattered upon meeting the rough surface.

I slumped to the ground, bleeding, and my eyes half open. My last sight was one I would never want myself, or any other cat, to see. Just before my senses failed completely, I caught a glimpse of Brightpaw's broken, savaged body lying not far off. Her mouth was twisted in a screech of terror, and so much blood encrusted her face I couldn't tell if her eyes were still open or not.

I knew I was going to join StarClan. I just hoped with all my heart that when I got there, I wouldn't see the beautiful, sweet-spirited apprentice, whom I had come to feel this strongly for among the stars with me.

_[center][i]now we're broken on the floor_

_she just wants me to share her_

_it hasn't been this way before_

_she just wants me to dare her[/i][/center]_

[b]I have to admit, I wanted to die.

I could tell, deep within my heart, that Swiftpaw was gone. Even with the pain threatening to overcome me, there was a space in my heart, one I knew that wasn't made because of the agonizing waves. It was something deeper, an empty feeling, like a nagging thorn that I couldn't pull out. I just wanted to die, to let go of the pain, to drift up to StarClan and be with Swiftpaw forever.

I didn't want him to die. I would've gladly given up my own life for him, if it only meant that he could live. We were both too young to die, and both had long lives ahead of us, although there was a part of me that valued Swiftpaw's life more than mine, and I would gladly give in to that section if I could. However, I can't bring back those lost, and I don't even know if StarClan can, either.

Why am I laying here, my life bleeding away needlessly, my blood spilling onto the earth, my face torn up beyond repair? My blood will just drain away, no use for anything. None of this is ever going to bring Swiftpaw back, and I would rather I died and he lived than have it the other way round.[/b]

_[center][i]the phone rings_

_and she screams_

"_stab my back,_

_it's better when I bleed for you_

_walk on me,_

_there never was enough to do."[/i][/center]_

I watch her now, in the stars. Ever since the attack, I've guided her in the waking world without her knowing. I've seen her in her dreams, calmed her, just waiting for it to happen, waiting for someone else to come and bring her back.

Although I never imagined it would hurt as much.

I'm happy that she has someone else now. But what hurts the most is that I can't even see her anymore. Her green eyes will never lift my spirit when I'm feeling lost, her voice will never ring through my ears when I'm lonely. When she dreams, her dreams are full of that one warrior, the one who slid in between us and cut the only connection we had. And I dislike him for that.

But he has done more for her than I have ever done. I alone couldn't bring her back.

_[center][i]i can't get past her_

_falling faster,_

_it's true._

_it hasn't done a lot for you.[/i][/center]_

As I look down from the sky, I can tell she still thinks of me. But I don't want her to forget the cat that is now with her, even if he did cut us off from each other. She is content, and I wouldn't want her to be anything other than that.

_[center][i]and every time he held you close_

_yeah, were you thinking of me?_

_when I needed you the most_

_well, I hope that you're happy.[/i][/center]_

[b]I still wish he had lived.

Even with the soft white fur pressed close to my side, I still think of him. I never make comparisons; no one should do that. But you can never control your emotions, and I can't help but sometimes wish that he were here to comfort me.

Cloudtail is loyal and devoted. He cares for me as no one else has ever done; I love him. And I love Swiftpaw, even though his spirit is gone. Our dreams were the most real my mind has ever managed to hold, and I can never understand why they cut off so suddenly. I can only guess why; he either cannot reach me or is jealous of Cloudtail, and therefore does not want to see me. Oh, Swiftpaw, if you can hear me, I beg you, speak to me again, even if it is words of hate and betrayal, I just want to her your voice one last time. I never even got to say goodbye, because I believed we would see each other in my dreams until I died, and we would walk together forever in StarClan. Just one more word... [/b]

_[center][i]the phone rings_

_and she screams_

"_stab my back,_

_it's better when I bleed for you_

_walk on me,_

_there never was enough to do."[/i][/center]_

I can sometimes sense flashes of what she is feeling. I hope this isn't cut off as well.

She still thinks of me, but she thinks I am angry at her. This pains me even more than the snapping of the dream-connection, because she won't know otherwise until she dies and joins me in the stars, which won't be for a long time if I can help it. But there is an invisible barrier between us, making it impossible for me to visit her in any way.

I would never dream of changing the course of her life just to tell her the opposite of what she thinks. I would suffer the pain I felt beneath the dog pack's fangs a thousand times to keep her alive.

_[center][i]i can't get past her_

_falling faster,_

_it's true._

_it's better when I bleed for you.[/i][/center]_

She's happy, and I wouldn't want it to be any other way. We may be broken away from each other, but that won't stop me watching over her. She has Cloudtail now, and I only hope that's enough to keep her going. I can tell she's going to have kits soon. Perhaps she'll name one after me? I cannot force her to do anything, but I can watch her, and guide her with what little power I have. Cloudtail will have to do the rest.

_[center][i]i hope that love he gave you_

_was just enough to save you_

_you nearly broke my heart_

_just look at what you're tearing apart![/i][/center]_

[b]Whitekit plays outside the nursery as I watch her. Cloudtail sits beside me, a look of pure pride on his face. It's her first time out. I am happy, and I can see the look of joy on her face as she chases the leaves, batting light stones around, chasing her own tail and falling over in the dust.

Her eyes are a bright green, like mine.

We had another kit. It was a tom. He was black and white, but he was stillborn. I would've named him Swiftkit, after Swiftpaw, if he had survived. However, he lies there with no name; I couldn't bear to have Swiftpaw die twice. I took him outside camp to bury him, but just before I did, I saw the expression on his face. It was peaceful, with no hint of sadness or envy. I knew this was a sign. The kit had Swiftpaw's spirit. He isn't angry at me; quite the opposite. The kit's expression shows that.

I love Cloudtail to the fullest extent. But I still feel affection for Swiftpaw, and I still would even if he were angry at me.[/b]

_[center][i]stab my back,_

_it's better that I bleed for you._

_walk on me,_

_there never was enough to do.[/i][/center]_

I have done it. I got past the seemingly impenetrable barrier that separated us. Now I know that she's happy, and I can finally let go of the doubt that's been creeping around inside my head, whispering in my ears and trying to work its way into my heart. I can finally relax.

_[center][i]it's____better when I bleed for you._

_it [b __**was always[/b]**__ enough to do._

_it [b]__**has[/b]**__ done a lot for you.[/i]_

[/center]


End file.
